It's Holy Week and I have the need to download some stuff that's been weighing heavily on my chest. This Lent has been a bit of a roller coaster in many ways. I can only compare it to a detox. Though I've never done one myself, I hear of people saying that it really gets worse before it gets better, the body that is. You undergo a period of severe flu like symptoms that lasts for weeks. You can barely get out of bed and the mere sight of light peeking through the window blinds you. Your body feels inflamed and everything takes so much effort to do. You cant eat anything and you feel bloated. All.the.time. Sounds fun? No, not ever. My question: Why?
When a person undergoes a detox, toxins that were "dormant" or happily inhabiting cell walls or fatty tissues are suddenly woken up and flushed through the blood stream or digestive system. Think about a sudden downpour of acid rain to your insides. Nice huh? Sometimes it is almost better to let those suckers be, especially the heavy ones (mercury, lead, cadmium, etc). But rest assured, not really, that a tiny trigger could fire them up and turn them into say, cancer? That's right! There is the incentive.
What's an individual to do? Well, I'm not a doctor or trained holistic guru but my instinct tells me that toxins don't belong in our bodies. Period. The fact that we are exposed to hundreds of chemicals on a daily basis (thousands if you are a woman) is scary enough, but we mustn't be discouraged. A slow drip can cut trough stone. Yes, little changes matter and anything we can do to rid ourselves of what doesn't belong is in order. I do a daily maintenance of the body by choosing natural products and pesticide free foods. Also by consuming natural chelators that help my body get rid of toxins. It's enough that I don't notice any effects but I know that in the long run my body will thank me.
So how does this relate to Lent? Well...up until a few months ago I would have described my faith as lukewarm at best. And this is something that manifested itself in the direction my life was taking, or not taking at all. I lived in a state of chronic anxiety, preoccupied with many things and not being able to find joy in anything. Depressed too. I decided I was ready for change, and so began my daily maintenance. Baby steps. I began to see progress. My anxiety levels dropped (!?) for the first time in years. I was able to find joy in "being" rather than "doing." Heck I even started to ease into my motherhood role feeling it as the true vocation it is. And then Lent happened. And my detox started...
Bipolar, yes, that would be a good description of how I feel. One moment all is great the next I want to pack my bags and call it a day. If I didn't have faith I would dive deeply into the abyss of depression that lurks all too close, all too often. I get discouraged at times but I never lose faith. Funny how that happens. Somehow I know (maybe its the long distance runner in me) that I will see this to the end and I will be a better person for it. In all the turmoil there is something that remains stronger than ever: my connection with the creator and my ardent need of his presence in my life. So there is proof that this detox is working :)
Happy Easter!
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