Saturday, June 28, 2014
Good bye Jeans
I have made the decision to retire my jeans. Along with a bikini, blue eye shadow and navel piercingly, some things aren't meant to be forever. I am not making this choice out of a moment of frustration after a 20 minute battle with the zipper. Quite the contrary. I make this decision when my favorite size 2 Lucky jeans fit better than ever (thank you squats!).
I never really liked jeans. I got on board with the trend because I felt like I had to. Slacks and skirts were too dressy and sweats and shorts too casual. Dave is a jean lover so every time we went out he felt underdressed. So I caved. I found a great pair of jeans that I've owned for 6 years. Yes I only have one pair. I wore them out of necessity but I never felt quite comfortable in them. I never felt feminine or sexy either. And I questioned that they were ever appropriate attire for anything. After kids my body took a different shape and I liked them even less.
I held on to them out of spite. I wanted so desperately to fit back into them, I felt like a failure if I didn't. I cried when I looked at them yearning for my pre pregnancy body. I hated having them as an "option" to wear because they really weren't. Even when they zipped I felt like an overstuffed sausage in them. And yet, I was still determined to get back in them. And I did. And now I can happily let them go.
Good bye blue jeans! You were never meant for me.
Skirt lover
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
20 years
This Summer marks the 20th anniversary of my running journey. I will spare you the math but I have easily covered over 20,000 miles of terrain and I'm not stopping anytime soon.
Here is how it all began...
I was an active child, always riding my bike, playing with the street kids and involving myself in many informal games of volleyball, basketball, tag, or whatever else was the hype du jour. I also enjoyed dancing and jumping rope. But running just to run? Not so much. Boring? Well, lets just say that my streets weren't exactly running friendly (small sidewalks and streets covered with rocks). We did plenty of running, we just didn't call it that. My parents always modeled active lifestyles and we all seemed to enjoy the physical and social aspects of exercise.
The Summer before my senior year in high school I was struggling with body image. Hormones and mom's cooking played a double on my weight and though I wasn't really overweight, I didn't feel good about myself. I tried unsuccessfully to cut my calories but I ended up eating too much of what I now know where the wrong foods: low fat, high carb foods and tons of fruit. There was also a lot going on in the home realm: Transitions, school and work demands, sister marrying, parents separating, etc. I have always loved food but I did a fair amount of comfort eating. Food became a control factor and my weight the scapegoat to my home problems.
One hot Summer morning my mom walked into our small and steaming hot living quarters and told me that I should go for a run. I laughed. I was already sweating, what more did she want? But she told me that a friend of mine (Maria) was at the school track every morning running laps. I should join her, she suggested. I didn't immediately but eventually I did. We ran laps together and developed a very close relationship. I continued to run throughout the Summer and by Fall I joined the cross country team. I loved running. Well, I loved the feeling after a good run but I didn't exactly enjoy running. Running has a long enjoyment curve. Side stabbing pain and difficulty breathing are just two of the many ills of the sport. I stuck with it. I was the worst runner in the team, a very humbling experience, but I was part of the team.
Running helped me cope with the many pressures of school and home life. I ran in 100 degree weather, in the rain, I passed out twice while running, I came in last, almost always, but it was mine and I didn't do it for anyone. I joined track and field in the Spring almost by default because everyone in the CC team did. It was tough. I wasn't fast but I endured so I ran the 800, mile and 2 miles. By this time I had started to enjoy running. The body ailments were getting better, I had dropped weight which helped my speed, and my friends were very encouraging. I loved the experience. I even ran on weekends by myself. I discovered my determination and my strength through running. I gained confidence. I wasn't about to stop.
The following 5 years were dark, very dark. After graduation I fell into a serious clinical depression that almost took my life. I only survived because I knew that my mom and sister depended on me. I worked a lot, slept little and coped with my mysery by engaging in destructive binge eating behaviors. I don't want to share details. It still hurts. I didn't run much during these years. Arrhythmia, anemia, and low blood pressure kept me away from the sport. I rode my bike a lot because it was my only method of transportation between jobs (I had 3 at the time). But I didn't feel or look healthy. Faith and prayers kept me going.
The turn of the century brought many changes. I got fired from one of my jobs and was forced to find a different type of employment. I got a car and a desk job and I was suddenly faced with a lot of time in my hands (the desk job payed more than my other 3 gigs together). I began running again. I ran in my lunch break, after work, on weekends, and whenever else I could. It was my escape. Life at home was still challenging so a run was always the perfect excuse to escape. I also began frequenting night clubs, just to dance. A friend of mine and I partnered up (no romantic attachment) and we opened and closed the dance floor every single time. Neither of us drank so it was cheap to go. Often we got in for free as well. Running and dancing helped me jump start my recovery.
On New Years Eve of 2001 I met Dave while visiting in San Francisco. I was a different person by then, confident, healthy, and independent. He fell in love with all of that, and I fell in love with him too. We were married a year later. I moved to the Bay Area after our wedding and got another desk job within weeks of moving. I continued to run during lunch breaks, after work or whenever I could. Dave and I also enjoyed hiking together and we did it regularly. We have proudly conquered the tallest peaks in the contiguous US. Running gave me the base conditioning for our long hikes.
In 2008 Dave and I ran the SF marathon together, his idea. We trained in 4 months and the non-runner husband of mine out ran me on race day. He hung his shoes after that event but I continued to run. I ran through both my pregnancies, completed a half marathon at 5 months pregnant and a full marathon at 8 months post partum. A month ago I ran my first long trail run, a 30k and finished 2nd in my age division. I'm training to improve my speed so I can someday qualify for Boston. Running is where I find myself, where I draw my confidence, and where I gain valuable life lessons. I hope to pass this gift onto my children.
Happy 20 years!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Here is how it all began...
I was an active child, always riding my bike, playing with the street kids and involving myself in many informal games of volleyball, basketball, tag, or whatever else was the hype du jour. I also enjoyed dancing and jumping rope. But running just to run? Not so much. Boring? Well, lets just say that my streets weren't exactly running friendly (small sidewalks and streets covered with rocks). We did plenty of running, we just didn't call it that. My parents always modeled active lifestyles and we all seemed to enjoy the physical and social aspects of exercise.
The Summer before my senior year in high school I was struggling with body image. Hormones and mom's cooking played a double on my weight and though I wasn't really overweight, I didn't feel good about myself. I tried unsuccessfully to cut my calories but I ended up eating too much of what I now know where the wrong foods: low fat, high carb foods and tons of fruit. There was also a lot going on in the home realm: Transitions, school and work demands, sister marrying, parents separating, etc. I have always loved food but I did a fair amount of comfort eating. Food became a control factor and my weight the scapegoat to my home problems.
One hot Summer morning my mom walked into our small and steaming hot living quarters and told me that I should go for a run. I laughed. I was already sweating, what more did she want? But she told me that a friend of mine (Maria) was at the school track every morning running laps. I should join her, she suggested. I didn't immediately but eventually I did. We ran laps together and developed a very close relationship. I continued to run throughout the Summer and by Fall I joined the cross country team. I loved running. Well, I loved the feeling after a good run but I didn't exactly enjoy running. Running has a long enjoyment curve. Side stabbing pain and difficulty breathing are just two of the many ills of the sport. I stuck with it. I was the worst runner in the team, a very humbling experience, but I was part of the team.
Running helped me cope with the many pressures of school and home life. I ran in 100 degree weather, in the rain, I passed out twice while running, I came in last, almost always, but it was mine and I didn't do it for anyone. I joined track and field in the Spring almost by default because everyone in the CC team did. It was tough. I wasn't fast but I endured so I ran the 800, mile and 2 miles. By this time I had started to enjoy running. The body ailments were getting better, I had dropped weight which helped my speed, and my friends were very encouraging. I loved the experience. I even ran on weekends by myself. I discovered my determination and my strength through running. I gained confidence. I wasn't about to stop.
The following 5 years were dark, very dark. After graduation I fell into a serious clinical depression that almost took my life. I only survived because I knew that my mom and sister depended on me. I worked a lot, slept little and coped with my mysery by engaging in destructive binge eating behaviors. I don't want to share details. It still hurts. I didn't run much during these years. Arrhythmia, anemia, and low blood pressure kept me away from the sport. I rode my bike a lot because it was my only method of transportation between jobs (I had 3 at the time). But I didn't feel or look healthy. Faith and prayers kept me going.
The turn of the century brought many changes. I got fired from one of my jobs and was forced to find a different type of employment. I got a car and a desk job and I was suddenly faced with a lot of time in my hands (the desk job payed more than my other 3 gigs together). I began running again. I ran in my lunch break, after work, on weekends, and whenever else I could. It was my escape. Life at home was still challenging so a run was always the perfect excuse to escape. I also began frequenting night clubs, just to dance. A friend of mine and I partnered up (no romantic attachment) and we opened and closed the dance floor every single time. Neither of us drank so it was cheap to go. Often we got in for free as well. Running and dancing helped me jump start my recovery.
On New Years Eve of 2001 I met Dave while visiting in San Francisco. I was a different person by then, confident, healthy, and independent. He fell in love with all of that, and I fell in love with him too. We were married a year later. I moved to the Bay Area after our wedding and got another desk job within weeks of moving. I continued to run during lunch breaks, after work or whenever I could. Dave and I also enjoyed hiking together and we did it regularly. We have proudly conquered the tallest peaks in the contiguous US. Running gave me the base conditioning for our long hikes.
In 2008 Dave and I ran the SF marathon together, his idea. We trained in 4 months and the non-runner husband of mine out ran me on race day. He hung his shoes after that event but I continued to run. I ran through both my pregnancies, completed a half marathon at 5 months pregnant and a full marathon at 8 months post partum. A month ago I ran my first long trail run, a 30k and finished 2nd in my age division. I'm training to improve my speed so I can someday qualify for Boston. Running is where I find myself, where I draw my confidence, and where I gain valuable life lessons. I hope to pass this gift onto my children.
Happy 20 years!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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