Anxious no more

For a person that's been suffering from anxiety for years this should come as great news right?  Well, it isn't.  Turns out anxiety is for most of us a mask, a cover-up for some deep-rooted unresolved emotions we choose to  bury for fear of losing control of ourselves. If you suffer from anxiety chances are there is some sadness or anger underneath the fear that overwhelms you.  Come to think of it, as much as I disliked being anxious, there are  times when I wish I wasn't experiencing the newly uncovered emotions.  Being anxious was, perhaps easier to deal with.

Anxiety is in my opinion a "good girl" syndrome.  Good girls seek to please, parents mostly, but also society in general.  They don't want to seem overly brash, and of course they don't want to appear out of control, so they hide their real feelings, and then end up with latent anger building up inside which causes them to fear irrationally, a condition known as anxiety.  But it's not always the case of course.  There are times when unfortunate events happen to these good girls that just compound the issue even more.  Good girls don't typically yell back or seek revenge.  Even when fate seems less than favorable they accept it as God's will or destiny's choice.  Good girls try to see the positive in everything, even when deep in their hearts they know they deserve better.

I've been experiencing a lot of sadness the last few weeks.  But that's not all; I've also been feeling very angry.   I know what you may be thinking; I thought the same thing:  It's because I'm pregnant.  No. It's beyond that I'm sure.   I've been having to deal with past issues that I thought were long resolved or forgotten.  Things I thought had no effect on me suddenly came back to bite me.  I've never been an angry person and lately that seems to be my default mood. Perhaps it's a good thing that I'm dealing with this now, but I need all the help I can get.  There are still many unresolved issues in my life that I simply have no control over and I need to be able to accept them and continue to live my life.  At this point I pray that I'm able to do that, for my children.

Can I ask for a prayer?  Thanks.

Up and down

I had a great phone conversation with a good friend today.  This is a miracle because I am not a phone person.  I am blessed with great friends who know me better than I know myself and have the ability to bring me up when I'm feeling down.  I guess I should explain the reason for the call.  I've been feeling disillusioned with today's youth, in particular teenagers with a tremendous sense of entitlement, a complete disregard for rules and lack of respect for their parents, and what's worst, a non-existent sense of self.  I won't get too much into the gory details but there is one little person in particular that has ruffled my feathers and made me question many things about parenthood  (Hint:  a premature and permanent form of birth control).

I'm thankful for good friends, and I'm thankful for hope.  A parent can only hope that his children will follow in his/her good steps but nothing is guaranteed.  I commit to loving my children and teaching them about God, to always protect them but also give them wings.  I fear yes, but I will not let that fear overshadow my faith in the goodness of human kind.   And if my child turns wicked, I pray that I have the strength and the wisdom to deal with that challenge as well.

On the up side, we are expecting another baby.  We are of course thrilled to complete our family of four and secretly I am hoping for a baby brother for Isaac.  We won't know the gender for another 6 weeks but of course I will be happy either way.   A baby girl would probably be Dave's choice although he would never admit it.  Pray for us please.  Will keep you updated as the pregnancy progresses.