Believe it or not, despite all that, I love being a mother. I often catch glimpses of myself, my husband, and various family members in my kids. I love watching their personalities evolve. As much as it tries me, I love that they challenge the rules and they make their voices heard. I can see they both have fire in their bellies and I just love that. They sure keep me on my toes. The biggest challenge for me thus far has been finding myself and my purpose in the midst of all the fire balls that get thrown at me. It doesn't help that I have so many voices in my head that pull me in different directions. I'm slowly learning to shut them out and go with my feelings, and that seems to settle better with me, and thus, it reflects on the way I am parenting my children.
Transitions are challenging for me, not surprisingly for my son as well. When Isaac was born my whole world was upside down but I was too busy to notice. When Andrea was born it was a whole different story. We are still working on the kinks but I can already see that this foursome is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm a full time mother by choice. I never thought I would be and I'm loving this opportunity. I have had my doubts, but I'm slowly finding my voice (and my thoughts). I've come to the conclusion that God has gifted me with much and that I have a lot to offer, if I just let go of my anxiety and trust in him, I can be a pretty good mom :)
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