I haven't written a personal entry on this blog in quite some time. I'm feeling a bit more private these days, but also I'm super challenged finding time to do all that I want to do, so blogging has taken a back seat. I'm motivated to write this post because I need thinking space, a sounding board, or to let out a simple rant if you will. It is on the long side so bear with me...
I've been fighting demons in my head for quite some time (different demons!). Today I came to the realization that I don't know what to believe anymore and this makes me very uneasy. For years I've been following a healthy eating plan, exercising regularly, and keeping a good balance in life. I love food and I don't like the idea of being restricted of any one thing. I find that all things in moderation are fine, assuming you don't have a life-altering autoimmune or chronic disease that would prevent you from it. I haven't battled my weight in years. Before children I actually quite liked the way I looked (I will get to the post children effect). I still don't consider myself to have weight issues, but I've started to question everything I eat and the way I exercise. Since both of these are such an important part of my life this confusion has me in pins and needles. And with good reason!
If you have known me for any period of time you know that I don't subscribe to isms. We eat a well balanced diet, plant based would be a good way to describe it, but we enjoy some animal protein as well. On a given week we will eat 3 or 4 vegan meals. These typically consist of grain, legumes, and vegetables. Both my husband and I agree that our bodies feel better this way (in our past life we could ingest a cow a week if allowed). This way of eating also goes in line with our values for sustainability and conservation. I don't know if you have seen my husband recently but he's looking hotter than ever. He has slimmed down and his energy levels are up. My weight has been consistently the same but I feel "lighter" both inside and out. I feel my best when I eat less meat. Period. But since I'm anemic I can't completely cut it out, and quite honestly I don't want to. Food is a big part of culture for me and I would hate to miss out but restricting any one food group from my diet.
So this takes me to my next point. I don't know if you have noticed but as of late everything that we thought was "good" for us is being questioned by "science." All of a sudden grains, legumes, dairy, beef, and even seafood are killing us. They are promoting inflammation, causing leaky guts, depriving us from nutrients, and thus, should be avoided at all cost. What??? So, what can we eat? I don't know about you but if dare put myself on a lettuce diet I will be chopping someone's head very soon. On a given day I am bombarded by messages that tell me to stop eating grains (Paleo) to cut out meat and dairy (veg news) and that running is affecting my hormones so I should stop that too. Ah! I try to dissect the information I hear. I look for the things that benefit me and I push all other info aside. I've been doing this for about a year. But then...
I'm not feeling so good about myself these days (violin plays in the background). No, seriously. My health is very good, my energy levels better than ever, my anxiety levels are for the most part under check (I work on this consistently!). But I don't like the way I look. There, I said it. My weight is not the problem, my belly is. I have the full on mommy pooch and I hate it. I've had to cut out most abdominal work lately because of a condition called diastasis recti (separation of the abdominal muscles) that was causing me a lot of back pain. I exercise regularly, I eat well, but I just can't seem to get rid of this pooch, and I probably never will. So! Then I begin to question all that I eat and drink. I eat most things in moderation and my body seems to like my diet. So why am I doubting? Because I'm being bombarded with conflicting messages and I can't shut the noise out anymore. I'm at the end of my rope with this. Short of shutting myself from all outside influences I need to learn to work with my resources.
I'm looking for a sympathetic ear, a person (or group of people) with like-minded views on food and nutrition. I know you are out there! If you believe that food is a sacred gift from God, specifically that grains and legumes aren't lethal. That you eat these in moderation as well as most other food groups, I'd love to hear from you. I need to stop obsessing about this flaw of mine and start loving my body once again. It is a powerful machine. It so amazes me sometimes and I should never take it for granted. I need your help.
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