Faith is

Faith is trusting, is knowing that I'm exactly where I need to be. It is living as if Gods promise (his kingdom in heaven) is present in my life. So everything I am and everything I do must be a reflection of it.

Thinking of my own testimony I began to question some things about my life. I have a few hang ups that inhibit me from finding my sense of place, and so I don't often feel contentment. This manifests itself in a constant yearning to be in the next place, to do the next thing. I like planning because it gives me a window into what tomorrow will bring. But I struggle with being fully present in the moment. I struggle finding joy in my life.

Joy to me is fulfillment, its feeling accomplished, it's doing. Joy is not being. Being is settling and I don't settle well. Not doing depresses me, stillness makes me anxious. But being anxious is not trusting that God and his Holy Spirit live in me, and without trust there is no faith.

So I begin my journey of faith on this May 1st with the intent of letting go of my hang ups in order to find joy in my life. Wow, I have no idea where to begin. I'm quite uncomfortable to be quite honest. Self loathing is so much easier. Cycling between being depressed and being anxious is known to me. Letting go is not.

My first goal: self acceptance


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