The life of an addict

In light of today's events I am inspired to write about addictions, not from an expert's point of view, but merely from a humble sufferer who has seen first hand what they can do to destroy people's lives.

There are more addicted people in my family than chose to admit it.  I lost my father to alcoholism.  In reality he took his own life but this was the effect of years of abuse that left him empty, lonely, and physically ill.  He simply couldn't bear living life in this manner.  There have been more tragic moments in my life than I can recall, most due to some form of addiction.  But addictions aren't just to substances; people can be addicted to cleanliness, to perfection, to exercise, to pessimism, to arguing.  But it is the former that really pull individuals out of their senses and take over their lives, ravaging along those closest to them.

I am a person of many addictions and I'm sure my past has something to do with this.  I am troubled but I've been very fortunate to find help and continue to grow despite my many challenges.  This said, I have a very soft spot for individuals who find themselves in the mist of an addiction with no help in sight.  To the outsider it is just so easy:  Just don't do it!  In a sense you are telling a symptomatic plant to stop pretending and just grow.  It's a choice right?  NO.  Before there was the plant there was a seedling, before the seedling the soil with its unique composition, nutrient content, and physical structure, before the soil the compost and a good  filtration system that allows for water and nutrient cycling, etc.  You get my point.  If a 6 year old child is troubled there is already at least that many years of damage that need consideration.  If a 27 year old is troubled, do the math.

We are a product of genetics and our environments.  Blessed are those  born in good solid homes who have suffered no major traumas.  For the rest of us, our fate dictates constant tightening of the screws.  I've already mentioned at least 2 major life changing events in my life.  Another is that I suffered from an eating disorder that almost killed me.  I was chronically depressed for years and could have taken my life.  Perhaps the reason I didn't was because as a Catholic I believe that my life is not mine.  Also because I had a crew of angels watching over me.  There is a period of about 6 years of my life of complete darkness.  I praise the day that help came in the form of a clinical trial that allowed me to get mood-stabilizing medication and regular counseling visits.  This was the stepping stone toward recovery.  I honestly don't know where I'd be right now if it hadn't been for that.

It is true that not all individuals have what it takes to get up on their own.  I know I don't.   So I pray for those who find themselves in these difficult situations.   Someone close to my heart finds herself in a lot of trouble.  She is young, talented, beautiful and empty.  Sounds familiar?  Please pray for all those suffering from addictions.  Judging is easy, helping those in need is not.