My journey with trust

I have a pretty good sense for people.  I consider this a gift because it enables me to get right past the fronts that some individuals feel so compelled to put up.  It also enables me to sympathize with those who are merely socially awkward like I sometimes can be.   Most importantly this gift has allowed me to rebuild my sense of trust for human kind.  Allow me to elaborate.  [Note, this posting is not for the faint of heart]

When I was 6 years old and again when I was 8 I was sexually molested by a priest, and by someone in my family.  For years I was unable to trust myself or others.  I feared everyone and everything.  Worst of all I held it all inside.  There was no one to tell.  No one who could do anything about it so I lived with this nightmare until I was old enough to seek out help.   Fortunately for me I found healing through strengthening my spiritual life and humbling myself to God.  I can say I have been able to have a fairly normal life ever since.

I have been challenged with the accusation that I have trust issues, and perhaps I still do.  My answer is that I've got a lot at stake.  I am now a mother and will fight like a Tiger to protect my cubs. When I meet someone I can almost immediately pick up their intentions, thoughts, and/or goals.  Call this a 6th sense?   Maybe just my overly tuned-in instincts.  I have people in my life whom I met years ago, whom I trust, and whom I know will remain in my life for ever.  Others I can say with almost clear certainty will not stay around for long.  So I guess I must have selective trust issues then.

I've got to thinking about this trust thing.  I find myself in a situation I hadn't been in for years.   I began to fear, not for myself but for my son.  With this fear comes distrust. I know what people are capable of and I will not be blind to any of it.  Most recently I have set some very clear boundaries with toxic people in my life, people whom from the beginning I knew were not true to themselves or others, and especially not to me.  I pray that I made the right decision because it has been a very painful one for our family.