Growing into...

I began to grow into my own skin when I turned 30.   My early twenties (20-24) were dark, I dealt with a lot of personal and familial issues.  My late twenties were a mix of trying to work through personal baggage and figuring out how to make my marriage work harmoniously. Somewhere around the time I turned 30 I began to be content with myself, my marriage, and my life.      I guess I'm a late bloomer...

I turned 35 this year and it just occurred to me that I am just now beginning to grow into my new skin.  I'm enjoying being a mother and mentor to my children.  This is something I never thought I could or would do.  I would be lying if I said that the last year has been a breeze.  Being a full time mother and home maker has been the most life-changing and transformative event in my life thus far.  I began this journey ridden by anxiety and doubts, which possibly affected my relationship with my first born.  I was a nut case.  But today I found myself siting down, watching my child play and being completely present.  No anxiety.  The awareness of that moment brought tears to my eyes.

For years I have lived for the future.  It's always about the next minute, hour, day, week, month, year. I'm learning to live for the now.  This moment will never repeat itself and I often miss it trying to plan for the next.  Isaac has my intuition.  He reads me like an open book and he feeds off my emotions.  Lately he's been asking me:  "Are you happy mommy?" which I often resent.  I'm not always happy, but I'm working on it.  I don't tell him this.  I simply say (with a smile):  "Mommy is always happy, and she loves you very much."

Speaking of happiness.  Guess who's been feeling on the up and up lately?  PPD seems to be a thing of the past and I'm forever grateful.  I've been taking my happy pills:  Vitamin D, Magnesium Citrate, and Evening Primrose Oil.  I really think these have helped me a great deal.  As a result I also feel more energy which is so important for keeping up with 2 very active children.

I guess that's all for now.  I hope to find time this week to do another post about my children.