The holidays are a bittersweet time of the year for me. Having children makes the celebrations very special though; the magic, the anticipation, the abundance of everything, it's hard to put into words, but I love living the holidays through my children. This year I even ventured into areas I haven't been very comfortable with: I baked a ton, I cooked traditional foods, and we entertained guests at Christmas Eve. It was all great; I enjoyed it and I felt at peace. Building memories and traditions is what Christmas is all about. But, yes but, I had a void in my heart that I simply could not fill, not with food, not with liquor, and definitely not with material abundance. Issues with my family of origin weigh heavily in my mind and heart.
A few years ago I was advised by a priest to divorce them, yes, my family, because the "issues" were so big they surmounted my ability to be present for my nuclear family and this was causing a lot of turmoil for all of us. 2014 was the year of connection for me and I yearned to be in touch with the people I cared the most. I reached out to everyone and was able to touch some and get warm responses, but mostly I realized how apart I felt from all. To top things off my youngest sister has been very ill and the whole experience is a true test of faith for me. Because why doesn't God listen? It's a dire situation, there is a mass of us praying and we get no answers. Her health is on the decline and all we can do is watch, and a part of us is slowly dying. I can't divorce this. I cannot possibly turn my head to a situation that consumes my mother and my older sister who are her primary takers. And I sit here in complete helplessness and unable to make a difference, not physically or emotionally, not financially and not spiritually because my faith has been tested and I'm beginning to feel that God is not listening. This is how my year ended. Not ideally for this self pronounced devoted Catholic girl.
To be fair, we had an abundantly graced year, lots of good happenings and blessings. I don't have much energy to go in depth with details and quite honestly I refrain from mentioning much about trips, vacations and stuff because I feel privileged and I don't want my privilege to instill jealousy or resentment in anyone.
Some highlights of 2014:
January
We celebrated our 12th year anniversary
I began a bible study group that ran through the end of the year. This was one of the biggest blessings in my personal life. I'm thankful for all the ladies who participated, for the scriptures that spoke to my heart and for the growth I experienced.
February
Andrea turned 2 and we celebrated at home with friends and family. We had a Minnie Mouse themed party and birthday girl was very happy.
Dave turned 41, we celebrated him with a brunch with friends and a steak dinner at home with the family. Oh, and lets not forget the root beer float ice cream cake. It was a hit.
March
I ran the LA marathon in March with my good friend Indira.
We visited Disneyland
The kids and I ran the shamrock 5k in Dublin with friends. I discovered that Isaac had my running gene.
April
I drove down the coast to LA with my friend Victoria to attend Paola's baby shower. I felt honored to be part of this very special celebration.
May
I ran the Cinderella Mothers Day 20k in the Oakland hills and was immediately hooked on trail running.
We enjoyed a lovely Mothers Day picnic at Retzlaff winery.
Dave and Isaac made a trip to Laguna Seca for their first Father and Son car racing experience. Isaac is definitely one of the boys and he loves speed.
Isaac finished his last year of preschool at Shining Light
June
We camped in Yosemite and some of our guests climbed Half Dome. It was an awesome experience for all.
Our friend Paola married Jose, a person whom I've come to love and regard. I'm very happy for them. Attending their wedding was a true honor.
On the way back from Paola's wedding we drove by the coast and Dave had a spa day at Sycamore Mineral Springs, an early Fathers Day present.
Our nephew Christian graduated college. We are all very proud of him.
Summer vacation started and Isaac attended Vacation Bible School. He enjoyed it.
July
Our friend Maria and family visited from LA and we had a lovely 4th of July get together
Isaac turned 5 and we celebrated at Central Park in San Ramon. It was a Star Wars themed party filled with games, laughter, and creativity. Daddy rocked it!
We had a multi family camping trip at Calaveras Big Trees. It was a hit!
August
We got away for a week in Carlsbad to relax and bond as a family.
September
Isaac started kindergarten and the transition was smooth. He loves school!
Lucia turned 37 and her dear friends celebrated her with a fantastic evening of fun, good food and great conversations.
October
I participated in the Coyote Creek 20 mile trail run in the Marin Headlands.
Indira and I hiked to the summit of Mt. Diablo in celebration and thanksgiving for her birthday.
November
I ran the Santa Barbara marathon with Sally.
We spent a week in LA visiting with family and friends. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my brother George. It was a special experience.
December
My sister turned 40! I still ant believe when I look at her. She is one of the most amazing human beings I know, and she is gorgeous! Rock the 40s sis.
We celebrated Christmas with Joyce and extended family on Dec. 20th. It was also her birthday so the celebration was double.
We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day quietly at home. Dave took 2 weeks off from work and we had a lovely staycation.
I thank God for all the blessings we received this warm for all the connections we made and for the motivation to make 2015 an even better year. Cheers!
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