On mother/daughter relationships

I have an amazing mother; she is a living saint. I'm serious! My five foot tall mother will one day be canonized but for now she is very alive and kicking hard! And I'm glad. She has shaped who I am today and will continue to influence me for the rest of my life. Interestingly though, I don't have a close relationship with her. Read: We are not buddy buddies, we don't share personal secrets and I have never come close to crying on her lap about a broken heart. Our relationship is not like that. I often wonder what it would be like to have coffee with mom and talk at length about life and about feelings, and being a woman and such... But mom wouldn't entertain that nonsense. She is a person of faith, a devoted Catholic and a real life warrior. Her words have deep meaning and her time is valuable. She takes her vocation seriously; therefore, every moment counts and every breath has purpose.

I'm grateful for my mother, for the influence she has on me, and for the value she adds to this society. We could certainly benefit from more people like her. I won't deny at times I have resented her, for not being sensitive enough, or present enough, or loving enough. But at the end of the day I know that my stronghold lies in her spiritual strength which she has instilled in me. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I will live my life striving to find peace in the relationship that we do have. Sometimes it is easier than others. A child inside me still yearns for her approval, for her show of interest in the things I do and love, for her support. It's a good thing God created me so stubborn because I have been able to be my own person in spite of her dissent.

I have been blessed with the gift of motherhood and I now understand my mother a lot better. In many ways I am just like her, especially in regards to the seriousness of our vocation. But in many others I seek to differ. I want a strong bond with my children. I seek to know them at their core. I am learning to lose myself for the sake of finding joy in all areas of my life, especially in motherhood. And I am forever surprised by the effect this has had on my happiness. My life has meaning and purpose and it is usually found in the most ordinary moments, the fleeting ones that we so easily missed when we live in constant vigil for extraordinary experiences. Here is a quote from a book I'm currently reading:

“It has taken awhile, but I certainly do know it now – the most wonderful gift I had, the gift I finally learned to cherish above all else, was the gift of all those perfectly ordinary days.”

I was raised to believe that our actions and goals should always aim towards the extraordinary. I guess it's a good thing. Today I'm focusing on the ordinary. Because that's where I find myself.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad