The next chapter

I wrote this a few weeks ago...

I'm in transition, a rather uncomfortable place for me to dwell upon so I want it to settle into a new normal. Quickly. Change is inevitable and although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, I tend to adapt rather fast. I like having a vision of what's to come, a goal, a path. I'm at my worst when I feel like I'm stuck in space floating around for something to take shape. I realize this is an area of improvement for me and perhaps one God is calling me to perfect so I'm opening my heart to this possibility. I'm praying for sanity and wisdom. But I'm sad to report that I'm yet a far way from trusting in Gods plan.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

Facing my fears has been the theme of my life as of late. After I wrote the paragraph above I began to pray for faith and trust.  I recruited some friends to pray for me as well and I can feel something moving deep within me.   I am feeling a lot more at ease in not knowing and not having all the answers.  It hasn't been an easy space for me to occupy but I've dealt with it in the best (and sometimes worst) ways possible. But I'm in a much better place and I'm thankful for it.

Even in running I'm working on overcoming some fears.  I am not an adrenaline junkie, so fast races or runs for that matter are not entirely comfortable for me, especially fast downhill runs.  I'm training for a 50K that is a net downhill and I'm having to mentally focus on the downhill training runs to not compromise my quads prematurely.  In fast tempo runs I have to constantly overcome mental blocks that hinder my performance.  All a work in progress.

I can tell that this will be a year of much growth if I can see past previous roadblocks.   "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

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