I've had a few conversations with friends and family about addictions recently. I'm not sure why people are drawn to discuss the subject with me but it helps reinforce my position on it. I am the daughter, sister, cousin, niece, and friend of addicts. I've lived side by side them and grew to love them despite their illness. I've also witnessed many tragedies resulting from the consequences of these addictions. Some so personal I still carry their weight and deal with their repercussions. I can forgive the mistakes of an addict because deep inside I understand their struggles. I am not an addict but I know that it is in my genes to be one, so I keep a close watch on these tendencies.
As a mother, one thing that particularly concerns me is how NOT to raise addicts in light of the genes we pass down to our children. Of course modeling good choices, having family dinners and keeping the communication lines open with our children are key, but what else should we be doing to steer our offspring away from the many temptations they will face in school and other circles? Legal and illegal substances are so commonplace and freely dispensed that there are equal risks at home as there are on the streets and at the doctor's office. But aside from illicit substances, there are other addictions we may be passing down to our children without realizing it: Smart phone, social networking, food, exercise, shopping... the list goes on. Addictions take many forms and it isn't unusual for one to lead to another. So I guess the best way we can safeguard our children is by keeping our own addictions in check.
I have come to realize that some personalities are more addiction prone than others. Competitive and perfectionist individuals, for example, are the right candidates for addictions. They use substances to tone down their self imposed rigors and deal with failure. Alcohol is a great social lubricant, thus, a magnet for shy or socially uncomfortable individuals who will often be drawn to it to smooth out their discomfort at social gatherings. Type A and high energy individuals use barbiturates to relax. More risky personalities will seek out the thrill of exuberant drugs like cocaine and hallucinogens. At some point in our lives we have all been exposed to many of these substances and have chosen to engage or not. I am interested to know how we an teach our children to disengage when given the choice. I'd love to start a dialogue.
Here is a great piece about addictions. I like this perspective although I agree with some of the comments that we cannot love an addict back to recovery. But it certainly helps. Enjoy!
http://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong
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Monday, July 27, 2015
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
On food ethics
For years I haven't looked at the weekly ads that clog my mailbox week after week; tri- folding pages of overly processed foods that we never consume anyway, why bother. Lately though I'm drawn to the produce displays because despite knowing that nectarines are chronically in the dirty dozen list, 59 cents a pound, for beautifully rounded and firmly fleshed nectarines are getting harder and harder to resist. I find them at the farmers market for $4/pound so we just don't consume them that much.
Cherries are another Summer favorite. I pay up to $10/pound at the farmers market and I see ads running for $.99/pound. I keep reminding myself that I buy more than the fruit, I buy health for our bodies and the environment, not to mention the health of the farm workers. Do you know how many chemicals are applied to these fruits? It varies by the year and the variety, but dozens, hundreds at times. Some chemicals are so poisonous they require face masks and special warnings for their application. But then what? Where does the chemical cocktail go? Some of it is absorbed in the plant and the fruit we consume, but most of it seeps into the soil, runs into our water systems and ends up contaminating bodies of water that people depend upon for survival. Some may even run into the ocean and cause massive fish killings (dead zones in the ocean) amongst other problems. Other chemicals are airborne and cause respiratory problems for those living in nearby communities.
How does this concern us? It doesn't have to, 59 cents a pound is too hard to resist. Go ahead and indulge.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Cherries are another Summer favorite. I pay up to $10/pound at the farmers market and I see ads running for $.99/pound. I keep reminding myself that I buy more than the fruit, I buy health for our bodies and the environment, not to mention the health of the farm workers. Do you know how many chemicals are applied to these fruits? It varies by the year and the variety, but dozens, hundreds at times. Some chemicals are so poisonous they require face masks and special warnings for their application. But then what? Where does the chemical cocktail go? Some of it is absorbed in the plant and the fruit we consume, but most of it seeps into the soil, runs into our water systems and ends up contaminating bodies of water that people depend upon for survival. Some may even run into the ocean and cause massive fish killings (dead zones in the ocean) amongst other problems. Other chemicals are airborne and cause respiratory problems for those living in nearby communities.
How does this concern us? It doesn't have to, 59 cents a pound is too hard to resist. Go ahead and indulge.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Summer slow down
Isaac's last day of school was last Friday. We had a few very busy weeks leading up to it and I was hoping that come this week things were going to slow down a bit. I was wrong. This week is particularly busy with many fun things and events, but busy nonetheless. I want (need) to catch my breath, I want (need) to reconnect with my children, I want (need) to stop rushing everywhere. It's my Summer goal.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Mother's Day Run
I don't have any medals to show, but I give myself one for getting out there today and continuing tradition. Last year I ran the Cinderella 30K at San Joaquin Miller Redwood Park in Oakland. I had so much fun I decided to make it a yearly tradition. That was also the run that got me hooked on trail running so in many ways it's a very dear one to me. I signed up and trained accordingly. I did hill work, worked on my endurance and speed runs and lifted weights to strengthen my legs because climbing 3500' is no stroll around the park. Last weekend I had an amazing 13 mile run (10 miles run at tempo pace). I was charged and ready.
I've been sick this week. It started with a sore throat on Tuesday that turned into severe head-pounding congestion, vigorous coughing, body aches and chills by Wednesday afternoon. I spent Thursday and Friday bedridden and miserable. I don't remember a time when a cold put me out like that. I made a decision on Thursday night to withdraw my registration. I know myself too well. If I commit to something I drag myself out there and push through the distance. I knew it wasn't wise so I made the call, and I'm glad.
I fought this bug like a mad woman. I made a big batch of chicken soup with tons of garlic, onion, turmeric and oregano. I rubbed oregano oil on the soles of my feet, upped my dose of C & D3 & zinc, took some echinacea, and homeopathic cold medicine, drank lots of water with lemon and rested. By Friday evening I hit a turning point and got a strange surge of energy. I found myself wishing I could still go out and run so I decided I would. I decided to unofficially run the half marathon course, early enough to avoid most runners, and I packed all my necessities because there would be no aid stations available to me. The first mile almost made me turn around. What was I doing? My chest burned, I was gasping for air and felt a bit disoriented. I slowed down a bit and that seemed to help. Once I set into pace the first half of the course was quite lovely. I looked at the time and figured that if I clocked in 12 minute miles I would be right on track to catch the beginning of Isaac's game. That motivated me to keep on pace.
By mile six I began gasping for air again and the chest burning returned. I knew the big hills were just up mile 8 so I decided to fuel and hydrate as often as I could. My pace dropped to a shuffle, and then a walk. Somewhere around mile 9 I coughed out a lung and the first batch of male runners passed me. Shortly behind them was the first female. I was elated for her but she wasn't too happy to see me. She scanned me head to toe looking for my bib. She was sizing me! I smiled and said: "You are in the lead, go get 'me boys." She zoomed past me and faded in the distance. I assured myself that she was 15 years my minor and in good health.
It is indeed a beautiful course! And a challenging one at that. For every up hill there is a steeper downhill, and I'm more afraid of those. Around mile 12 a guy in front of me lost his footing and swallowed dirt. It was a painful fall I could tell. It reminded me why I'm so careful on the downhills. The last mile was nice and flat. I could hear the energy at the finish line. I cut off the trail shortly before encountering it and went right to my car. I felt physically fine and my heart was content.
Happy Mother's Day to me!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I've been sick this week. It started with a sore throat on Tuesday that turned into severe head-pounding congestion, vigorous coughing, body aches and chills by Wednesday afternoon. I spent Thursday and Friday bedridden and miserable. I don't remember a time when a cold put me out like that. I made a decision on Thursday night to withdraw my registration. I know myself too well. If I commit to something I drag myself out there and push through the distance. I knew it wasn't wise so I made the call, and I'm glad.
I fought this bug like a mad woman. I made a big batch of chicken soup with tons of garlic, onion, turmeric and oregano. I rubbed oregano oil on the soles of my feet, upped my dose of C & D3 & zinc, took some echinacea, and homeopathic cold medicine, drank lots of water with lemon and rested. By Friday evening I hit a turning point and got a strange surge of energy. I found myself wishing I could still go out and run so I decided I would. I decided to unofficially run the half marathon course, early enough to avoid most runners, and I packed all my necessities because there would be no aid stations available to me. The first mile almost made me turn around. What was I doing? My chest burned, I was gasping for air and felt a bit disoriented. I slowed down a bit and that seemed to help. Once I set into pace the first half of the course was quite lovely. I looked at the time and figured that if I clocked in 12 minute miles I would be right on track to catch the beginning of Isaac's game. That motivated me to keep on pace.
By mile six I began gasping for air again and the chest burning returned. I knew the big hills were just up mile 8 so I decided to fuel and hydrate as often as I could. My pace dropped to a shuffle, and then a walk. Somewhere around mile 9 I coughed out a lung and the first batch of male runners passed me. Shortly behind them was the first female. I was elated for her but she wasn't too happy to see me. She scanned me head to toe looking for my bib. She was sizing me! I smiled and said: "You are in the lead, go get 'me boys." She zoomed past me and faded in the distance. I assured myself that she was 15 years my minor and in good health.
It is indeed a beautiful course! And a challenging one at that. For every up hill there is a steeper downhill, and I'm more afraid of those. Around mile 12 a guy in front of me lost his footing and swallowed dirt. It was a painful fall I could tell. It reminded me why I'm so careful on the downhills. The last mile was nice and flat. I could hear the energy at the finish line. I cut off the trail shortly before encountering it and went right to my car. I felt physically fine and my heart was content.
Happy Mother's Day to me!
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Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Are runners leaders or team players?
At a recent dinner conversation, the topic came up of why I practice long distance running as my sport of choice. It was mentioned that, generally, people who are competitive, focused, determined and ambitious choose individual sports...because they are not good team players, but they can be good leaders. The conversation took me back twenty something years to a time in my life when I was both struggling to define my identity and vulnerable. A person I looked up to, a father figure, challenged me for not being a good team player. Not sure what he based his accusation on but that phrase played in my head for many years to come and would become especially loud during team building efforts. In some ways I may have risen to that label and chosen to work alone for fears of failing my team. My discipline and proactivity favored me in leadership roles so I generally assumed those. But I didn't know at the time that I could, also be a good team player.
What constitutes a leader? Judy Rossi, author "Raising Responsible Children" states: "The essence of leading...is 'others first'" She urges us to consider Christ's leadership: "He didn't lead by dominating; He led by serving. He didn't save by another's sacrifice but by His own." So in other words, a leader should be concerned with the least of his group and make sure he/she is not left behind. Mark 9:35 says "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all." So if runners can be leaders and leaders are by essence team players, does that mean runners can be team players? My experience has shown me exactly that. Runners can be excellent leaders and team players, it just depends on the circumstances and a seasoned runner knows how to differentiate.
I began running during my senior year in high school, during a transitive time characterized by very high stress. Running was my release. I wasn't fast, I wasn't one of the better runners in the team, I was probably the worst, but it didn't matter. The competition was always with myself, on how I could overcome the challenges, on how I could beat a personal record, on how I could sometimes just finish a race, that alone was an accomplishment. At the same time running enabled me to deal with all my stressors in my life and the stamina I built logging miles transferred to other areas, propelling me and keeping me strong for the long days ahead. But it was something I mostly did alone. I call this the early phase of my running journey.
After high school I stopped racing and just ran for fun. Yes. I said it. I ran for fun. I looked forward to any opportunity to lace my shoes and hit the pavement for as long as I could go, without any idea of where I would go. Every run was spontaneous. This is the phase of no watches, water bottles, sweat wicking clothes or fancy tennis shoes. I just ran. And I loved it. I ran in my lunch hour at work, I ran from my office home, I ran while my party guests slept on my kitchen floor after a long night of... too much fun! I ran to release tension, to get a good cry, to find a quiet spot and sit for a few minutes and catch my breath. I ran to familiarize myself with my surroundings, to appreciate the beauty of a tree lined street that is often missed as we zoom by in our cars. I ran while holding a cup of coffee (I do not recommend) and with too many grocery bags after a quick stop at the market. I ran for the joy of it. This is the epic part of my running life. But still a lonely endeavor.
Running has remained an integral part of my life. It is both where I lose and find myself. These days I carry a watch, a water bottle and I typically know the route and/or the distance I'm going to go. I wear running appropriate clothes (though not the latest models), good tennis shoes (a must!) and I'm all too cognizant of my pace. I have trained for an done a few races, worked on my pace, and realized some improvements. I've also overcome some challenges and continue to discover new things about myself. Nowadays I crave running in good company, sharing the road and journeying together. During the same dinner conversation we discussed the topic of personal victories. I mentioned that my victories are measured daily during my training, and that race day is not where I put all my eggs. Generally, I prefer to run a race in good company rather than focusing on pace. And given the choice, I don't leave my company behind. This also transfers in other areas of my life.
I guess I've entered the seasoned runner phase. I can handle that.
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What constitutes a leader? Judy Rossi, author "Raising Responsible Children" states: "The essence of leading...is 'others first'" She urges us to consider Christ's leadership: "He didn't lead by dominating; He led by serving. He didn't save by another's sacrifice but by His own." So in other words, a leader should be concerned with the least of his group and make sure he/she is not left behind. Mark 9:35 says "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all." So if runners can be leaders and leaders are by essence team players, does that mean runners can be team players? My experience has shown me exactly that. Runners can be excellent leaders and team players, it just depends on the circumstances and a seasoned runner knows how to differentiate.
I began running during my senior year in high school, during a transitive time characterized by very high stress. Running was my release. I wasn't fast, I wasn't one of the better runners in the team, I was probably the worst, but it didn't matter. The competition was always with myself, on how I could overcome the challenges, on how I could beat a personal record, on how I could sometimes just finish a race, that alone was an accomplishment. At the same time running enabled me to deal with all my stressors in my life and the stamina I built logging miles transferred to other areas, propelling me and keeping me strong for the long days ahead. But it was something I mostly did alone. I call this the early phase of my running journey.
After high school I stopped racing and just ran for fun. Yes. I said it. I ran for fun. I looked forward to any opportunity to lace my shoes and hit the pavement for as long as I could go, without any idea of where I would go. Every run was spontaneous. This is the phase of no watches, water bottles, sweat wicking clothes or fancy tennis shoes. I just ran. And I loved it. I ran in my lunch hour at work, I ran from my office home, I ran while my party guests slept on my kitchen floor after a long night of... too much fun! I ran to release tension, to get a good cry, to find a quiet spot and sit for a few minutes and catch my breath. I ran to familiarize myself with my surroundings, to appreciate the beauty of a tree lined street that is often missed as we zoom by in our cars. I ran while holding a cup of coffee (I do not recommend) and with too many grocery bags after a quick stop at the market. I ran for the joy of it. This is the epic part of my running life. But still a lonely endeavor.
Running has remained an integral part of my life. It is both where I lose and find myself. These days I carry a watch, a water bottle and I typically know the route and/or the distance I'm going to go. I wear running appropriate clothes (though not the latest models), good tennis shoes (a must!) and I'm all too cognizant of my pace. I have trained for an done a few races, worked on my pace, and realized some improvements. I've also overcome some challenges and continue to discover new things about myself. Nowadays I crave running in good company, sharing the road and journeying together. During the same dinner conversation we discussed the topic of personal victories. I mentioned that my victories are measured daily during my training, and that race day is not where I put all my eggs. Generally, I prefer to run a race in good company rather than focusing on pace. And given the choice, I don't leave my company behind. This also transfers in other areas of my life.
I guess I've entered the seasoned runner phase. I can handle that.
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The next chapter
I wrote this a few weeks ago...
I'm in transition, a rather uncomfortable place for me to dwell upon so I want it to settle into a new normal. Quickly. Change is inevitable and although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, I tend to adapt rather fast. I like having a vision of what's to come, a goal, a path. I'm at my worst when I feel like I'm stuck in space floating around for something to take shape. I realize this is an area of improvement for me and perhaps one God is calling me to perfect so I'm opening my heart to this possibility. I'm praying for sanity and wisdom. But I'm sad to report that I'm yet a far way from trusting in Gods plan.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Facing my fears has been the theme of my life as of late. After I wrote the paragraph above I began to pray for faith and trust. I recruited some friends to pray for me as well and I can feel something moving deep within me. I am feeling a lot more at ease in not knowing and not having all the answers. It hasn't been an easy space for me to occupy but I've dealt with it in the best (and sometimes worst) ways possible. But I'm in a much better place and I'm thankful for it.
Even in running I'm working on overcoming some fears. I am not an adrenaline junkie, so fast races or runs for that matter are not entirely comfortable for me, especially fast downhill runs. I'm training for a 50K that is a net downhill and I'm having to mentally focus on the downhill training runs to not compromise my quads prematurely. In fast tempo runs I have to constantly overcome mental blocks that hinder my performance. All a work in progress.
I can tell that this will be a year of much growth if I can see past previous roadblocks. "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
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Isaac's first run
"After high school I want to be a runner like you mama" Isaac
On April 12th Isaac ran his first official race. He was nervous, a bit apprehensive, but I believe he was hit by the running bug. The event was a bit disorganized so even the most season runner would have been feeling out of sorts. Nonetheless as soon as the horn went off all the children started running and the mood turned to excitement. Isaac was joined by some of his classmates so that made the experience way more tolerable.
Cheers to many more medals my son!
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Friday, April 10, 2015
Freedom
I learned to ride a bike when I was five years old. My brother built one for me and probably taught me how to ride it as well. Family bike rides were a rite of passage and I was ever so proud to take my first. I remember vividly how my mom and dad rode in front and everyone else followed. I'm sure there weren't any helmets involved and we more than likely violated all traffic rules being a family of 9 (my younger sister hadn't been born yet). But the memory is forever burned in my mind.
Fast rack a few years, I'm ten years old riding all over town fetching groceries for mom. Sugar is a highly prized commodity at this time and quite scarce. I rode all over town and nearby towns looking for any store that might sell it. I found every opportunity to ride my bike and I loved the freedom it brought me. I loved being able to pedal away and go far away places. There was always an adventure in the making. I cannot imagine a better childhood.
I rode my bike to school as well. During my senior year in high school I did an intra district transfer and had to ride my bike 40 mins to and from school. I carried my guitar on board because why not right? I rode in fog so thick I couldn't see past five feet in front. I rode in rain so heavy it caused me my thick hamstring muscles I still sport. I rode after track practice, into the late evening hours after long homework sessions. I grocery shopped in my bicycle. I mastered the skill of 10 grocery bags on my handle bars plus a backpack full on my back. There were no limits...
At 22 I still rode a bike. By this time I'm living in a tiny studio apartment with my mom and sister, waking up at 5am, stopping at Seven Eleven for a 22oz vanilla bean coffee on the go. I work an 8hr shift and then zoom to my next job, a short 10 mile bike ride. I work there until 11pm and ride home in the dark. The cops follow me just to be sure I get home safely. I'm a regular on the streets. I once ran over my apron (I'm a store clerk), my retainer was inside and I break it. I never replaced it. My bike was my life.
At 23 I got a desk job and had to retire the bike. I took up running. Are you surprised?
Freedom.
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Fast rack a few years, I'm ten years old riding all over town fetching groceries for mom. Sugar is a highly prized commodity at this time and quite scarce. I rode all over town and nearby towns looking for any store that might sell it. I found every opportunity to ride my bike and I loved the freedom it brought me. I loved being able to pedal away and go far away places. There was always an adventure in the making. I cannot imagine a better childhood.
I rode my bike to school as well. During my senior year in high school I did an intra district transfer and had to ride my bike 40 mins to and from school. I carried my guitar on board because why not right? I rode in fog so thick I couldn't see past five feet in front. I rode in rain so heavy it caused me my thick hamstring muscles I still sport. I rode after track practice, into the late evening hours after long homework sessions. I grocery shopped in my bicycle. I mastered the skill of 10 grocery bags on my handle bars plus a backpack full on my back. There were no limits...
At 22 I still rode a bike. By this time I'm living in a tiny studio apartment with my mom and sister, waking up at 5am, stopping at Seven Eleven for a 22oz vanilla bean coffee on the go. I work an 8hr shift and then zoom to my next job, a short 10 mile bike ride. I work there until 11pm and ride home in the dark. The cops follow me just to be sure I get home safely. I'm a regular on the streets. I once ran over my apron (I'm a store clerk), my retainer was inside and I break it. I never replaced it. My bike was my life.
At 23 I got a desk job and had to retire the bike. I took up running. Are you surprised?
Freedom.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Let the fun begin!
I've been working on a job prospect and it looks like it is getting ready to launch. I'm nervous, excited, and overall optimistic about this transition. To say that it's been smooth sailing would be a huge understatement but I think I'm ready for the new normal. Let the fun begin!
Monday, January 12, 2015
Crystal Springs Trail Run (22 miles)--my redemption run
Sunday January 11th, 2015
6:45am--There is a thick layer of fog all around and crispness in the air. I get on the road and make a mental checklist of all that I need. I triple check that I packed my shoes, kind of important. Good, there they are. Who drives barefoot? I do. I'm nervous but excited. My body feels strong but my confidence is lacking. I turn on the radio and I let my mind tune into the music to ease off the nerves. Santa Barbara left me a bit shattered. It took me a month to physically recover from that marathon and the psychological damage is still very evident in the way my body trembles just a tiny bit this morning.
7:45am--I get off the highway and Pass through beautiful downtown Woodside. I have fond memories of this place. Huddard Park is up a winding road. Thank God it is still early because I can't speed past 15 miles an hour. Gosh darn it, I can't shake off these nerves. I park, get out of the car and decide to get my bib right away. My race begins at 8:30 but I have an urge to feel "ready."
8:00am--I have my bib! I grab my shoes to put them on and realize my insoles are missing. I have a moment of panic... My insoles have kept me injury free, they keep my feet happy and blister free. I can't run without them. Quick, think quickly. I decide that I'm going through with this race and I will just deal with the consequences. It is 44 degrees outside so I sit in the car and wait. I pull out my prayer book and read the Liturgy of the Hours.
8:15am--I leave my car and walk towards the start line just as most runners are starting to gather. It's cold! I am wearing a wool vest on top of my long sleeve performance shirt. I contemplate leaving it on for the race since most of the trail is completely under trees. Then I remember that as soon as I start running I heat up so I leave it behind. Trail runs are very casual and small so I know my favorite vest will be ok.
8:30am--shortly after a few housekeeping announcements the "gun" goes off. Adrenaline is running through my body but I can't speed up. There is a traffic jam. The first mile is pretty slow, single track trail downhill. Easy does it. It seems like we are descending forever. Just as the road opens and I'm able to set Into pace I am reminded of why I am here:
And this
This too
Someone once said that it isn't possible to be surrounded by nature and be in a bad mood. I must add that for me it is not possible to be in nature and be anxiety ridden. And that is why I love being in nature, because I am at my best.
5.5 miles in
After the first downhill mile is a steady climb up to this point. No massive hills though so I am able to run without walking. I'm surprised that we have reached the first aid station. This means that the half marathon turnaround is up ahead. I make a quick body scan to see how I'm doing. I don't need food yet and my feet are holding up ok. I've been running mostly on my toes so I don't feel the impact on my plantar tendon yet.
6.5 miles
Half marathon turn around, mine is in 4.5 miles. I've got this! The next stretch is a series of rolling hills. I even pick up speed at times.
11 miles
Second aid station and my turnaround. The last mile was killer! I grab a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and decide to walk to eat it. I notice all the sounds around me. The sun peeks through. It's a gorgeous day! Part of me wants to slow down and take it all in. Another time. I've got somewhere to be after this race so I better pick up the pace.
17 miles
I've been running for 3.5 hours, lately a lot downhill, my feet are hurting. I can feel the impact on my ankles too. I remind myself that its ok to be hurting right now.
20 miles
I want to be done. This last stretch is on a fire road and I'm afraid to slip. My stride is strong but my ankles are weak. I can feel a twist or a fall coming at any second. I slow down the pace when my mind pushes to go faster.
21.8 miles
I see the arches! I look at my garmin and I'm 10 minutes under my desired goal. I clock in at 4 hours and 20 minutes. I'm floating, ecstatic, eager to hug someone... My body feels good and still strong.
I'm leaning against a bench stretching when I hear my name being called. Something about coming in second for my age category. Seriously? Today couldn't possibly get at better. Wait, yes it can. I have a baptism to attend so I better make my way there :)
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6:45am--There is a thick layer of fog all around and crispness in the air. I get on the road and make a mental checklist of all that I need. I triple check that I packed my shoes, kind of important. Good, there they are. Who drives barefoot? I do. I'm nervous but excited. My body feels strong but my confidence is lacking. I turn on the radio and I let my mind tune into the music to ease off the nerves. Santa Barbara left me a bit shattered. It took me a month to physically recover from that marathon and the psychological damage is still very evident in the way my body trembles just a tiny bit this morning.
7:45am--I get off the highway and Pass through beautiful downtown Woodside. I have fond memories of this place. Huddard Park is up a winding road. Thank God it is still early because I can't speed past 15 miles an hour. Gosh darn it, I can't shake off these nerves. I park, get out of the car and decide to get my bib right away. My race begins at 8:30 but I have an urge to feel "ready."
8:00am--I have my bib! I grab my shoes to put them on and realize my insoles are missing. I have a moment of panic... My insoles have kept me injury free, they keep my feet happy and blister free. I can't run without them. Quick, think quickly. I decide that I'm going through with this race and I will just deal with the consequences. It is 44 degrees outside so I sit in the car and wait. I pull out my prayer book and read the Liturgy of the Hours.
8:15am--I leave my car and walk towards the start line just as most runners are starting to gather. It's cold! I am wearing a wool vest on top of my long sleeve performance shirt. I contemplate leaving it on for the race since most of the trail is completely under trees. Then I remember that as soon as I start running I heat up so I leave it behind. Trail runs are very casual and small so I know my favorite vest will be ok.
8:30am--shortly after a few housekeeping announcements the "gun" goes off. Adrenaline is running through my body but I can't speed up. There is a traffic jam. The first mile is pretty slow, single track trail downhill. Easy does it. It seems like we are descending forever. Just as the road opens and I'm able to set Into pace I am reminded of why I am here:
And this
This too
Someone once said that it isn't possible to be surrounded by nature and be in a bad mood. I must add that for me it is not possible to be in nature and be anxiety ridden. And that is why I love being in nature, because I am at my best.
5.5 miles in
After the first downhill mile is a steady climb up to this point. No massive hills though so I am able to run without walking. I'm surprised that we have reached the first aid station. This means that the half marathon turnaround is up ahead. I make a quick body scan to see how I'm doing. I don't need food yet and my feet are holding up ok. I've been running mostly on my toes so I don't feel the impact on my plantar tendon yet.
6.5 miles
Half marathon turn around, mine is in 4.5 miles. I've got this! The next stretch is a series of rolling hills. I even pick up speed at times.
11 miles
Second aid station and my turnaround. The last mile was killer! I grab a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and decide to walk to eat it. I notice all the sounds around me. The sun peeks through. It's a gorgeous day! Part of me wants to slow down and take it all in. Another time. I've got somewhere to be after this race so I better pick up the pace.
17 miles
I've been running for 3.5 hours, lately a lot downhill, my feet are hurting. I can feel the impact on my ankles too. I remind myself that its ok to be hurting right now.
20 miles
I want to be done. This last stretch is on a fire road and I'm afraid to slip. My stride is strong but my ankles are weak. I can feel a twist or a fall coming at any second. I slow down the pace when my mind pushes to go faster.
21.8 miles
I see the arches! I look at my garmin and I'm 10 minutes under my desired goal. I clock in at 4 hours and 20 minutes. I'm floating, ecstatic, eager to hug someone... My body feels good and still strong.
I'm leaning against a bench stretching when I hear my name being called. Something about coming in second for my age category. Seriously? Today couldn't possibly get at better. Wait, yes it can. I have a baptism to attend so I better make my way there :)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Our year in review
The holidays are a bittersweet time of the year for me. Having children makes the celebrations very special though; the magic, the anticipation, the abundance of everything, it's hard to put into words, but I love living the holidays through my children. This year I even ventured into areas I haven't been very comfortable with: I baked a ton, I cooked traditional foods, and we entertained guests at Christmas Eve. It was all great; I enjoyed it and I felt at peace. Building memories and traditions is what Christmas is all about. But, yes but, I had a void in my heart that I simply could not fill, not with food, not with liquor, and definitely not with material abundance. Issues with my family of origin weigh heavily in my mind and heart.
A few years ago I was advised by a priest to divorce them, yes, my family, because the "issues" were so big they surmounted my ability to be present for my nuclear family and this was causing a lot of turmoil for all of us. 2014 was the year of connection for me and I yearned to be in touch with the people I cared the most. I reached out to everyone and was able to touch some and get warm responses, but mostly I realized how apart I felt from all. To top things off my youngest sister has been very ill and the whole experience is a true test of faith for me. Because why doesn't God listen? It's a dire situation, there is a mass of us praying and we get no answers. Her health is on the decline and all we can do is watch, and a part of us is slowly dying. I can't divorce this. I cannot possibly turn my head to a situation that consumes my mother and my older sister who are her primary takers. And I sit here in complete helplessness and unable to make a difference, not physically or emotionally, not financially and not spiritually because my faith has been tested and I'm beginning to feel that God is not listening. This is how my year ended. Not ideally for this self pronounced devoted Catholic girl.
To be fair, we had an abundantly graced year, lots of good happenings and blessings. I don't have much energy to go in depth with details and quite honestly I refrain from mentioning much about trips, vacations and stuff because I feel privileged and I don't want my privilege to instill jealousy or resentment in anyone.
Some highlights of 2014:
January
We celebrated our 12th year anniversary
I began a bible study group that ran through the end of the year. This was one of the biggest blessings in my personal life. I'm thankful for all the ladies who participated, for the scriptures that spoke to my heart and for the growth I experienced.
February
Andrea turned 2 and we celebrated at home with friends and family. We had a Minnie Mouse themed party and birthday girl was very happy.
Dave turned 41, we celebrated him with a brunch with friends and a steak dinner at home with the family. Oh, and lets not forget the root beer float ice cream cake. It was a hit.
March
I ran the LA marathon in March with my good friend Indira.
We visited Disneyland
The kids and I ran the shamrock 5k in Dublin with friends. I discovered that Isaac had my running gene.
April
I drove down the coast to LA with my friend Victoria to attend Paola's baby shower. I felt honored to be part of this very special celebration.
May
I ran the Cinderella Mothers Day 20k in the Oakland hills and was immediately hooked on trail running.
We enjoyed a lovely Mothers Day picnic at Retzlaff winery.
Dave and Isaac made a trip to Laguna Seca for their first Father and Son car racing experience. Isaac is definitely one of the boys and he loves speed.
Isaac finished his last year of preschool at Shining Light
June
We camped in Yosemite and some of our guests climbed Half Dome. It was an awesome experience for all.
Our friend Paola married Jose, a person whom I've come to love and regard. I'm very happy for them. Attending their wedding was a true honor.
On the way back from Paola's wedding we drove by the coast and Dave had a spa day at Sycamore Mineral Springs, an early Fathers Day present.
Our nephew Christian graduated college. We are all very proud of him.
Summer vacation started and Isaac attended Vacation Bible School. He enjoyed it.
July
Our friend Maria and family visited from LA and we had a lovely 4th of July get together
Isaac turned 5 and we celebrated at Central Park in San Ramon. It was a Star Wars themed party filled with games, laughter, and creativity. Daddy rocked it!
We had a multi family camping trip at Calaveras Big Trees. It was a hit!
August
We got away for a week in Carlsbad to relax and bond as a family.
September
Isaac started kindergarten and the transition was smooth. He loves school!
Lucia turned 37 and her dear friends celebrated her with a fantastic evening of fun, good food and great conversations.
October
I participated in the Coyote Creek 20 mile trail run in the Marin Headlands.
Indira and I hiked to the summit of Mt. Diablo in celebration and thanksgiving for her birthday.
November
I ran the Santa Barbara marathon with Sally.
We spent a week in LA visiting with family and friends. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my brother George. It was a special experience.
December
My sister turned 40! I still ant believe when I look at her. She is one of the most amazing human beings I know, and she is gorgeous! Rock the 40s sis.
We celebrated Christmas with Joyce and extended family on Dec. 20th. It was also her birthday so the celebration was double.
We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day quietly at home. Dave took 2 weeks off from work and we had a lovely staycation.
I thank God for all the blessings we received this warm for all the connections we made and for the motivation to make 2015 an even better year. Cheers!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
A few years ago I was advised by a priest to divorce them, yes, my family, because the "issues" were so big they surmounted my ability to be present for my nuclear family and this was causing a lot of turmoil for all of us. 2014 was the year of connection for me and I yearned to be in touch with the people I cared the most. I reached out to everyone and was able to touch some and get warm responses, but mostly I realized how apart I felt from all. To top things off my youngest sister has been very ill and the whole experience is a true test of faith for me. Because why doesn't God listen? It's a dire situation, there is a mass of us praying and we get no answers. Her health is on the decline and all we can do is watch, and a part of us is slowly dying. I can't divorce this. I cannot possibly turn my head to a situation that consumes my mother and my older sister who are her primary takers. And I sit here in complete helplessness and unable to make a difference, not physically or emotionally, not financially and not spiritually because my faith has been tested and I'm beginning to feel that God is not listening. This is how my year ended. Not ideally for this self pronounced devoted Catholic girl.
To be fair, we had an abundantly graced year, lots of good happenings and blessings. I don't have much energy to go in depth with details and quite honestly I refrain from mentioning much about trips, vacations and stuff because I feel privileged and I don't want my privilege to instill jealousy or resentment in anyone.
Some highlights of 2014:
January
We celebrated our 12th year anniversary
I began a bible study group that ran through the end of the year. This was one of the biggest blessings in my personal life. I'm thankful for all the ladies who participated, for the scriptures that spoke to my heart and for the growth I experienced.
February
Andrea turned 2 and we celebrated at home with friends and family. We had a Minnie Mouse themed party and birthday girl was very happy.
Dave turned 41, we celebrated him with a brunch with friends and a steak dinner at home with the family. Oh, and lets not forget the root beer float ice cream cake. It was a hit.
March
I ran the LA marathon in March with my good friend Indira.
We visited Disneyland
The kids and I ran the shamrock 5k in Dublin with friends. I discovered that Isaac had my running gene.
April
I drove down the coast to LA with my friend Victoria to attend Paola's baby shower. I felt honored to be part of this very special celebration.
May
I ran the Cinderella Mothers Day 20k in the Oakland hills and was immediately hooked on trail running.
We enjoyed a lovely Mothers Day picnic at Retzlaff winery.
Dave and Isaac made a trip to Laguna Seca for their first Father and Son car racing experience. Isaac is definitely one of the boys and he loves speed.
Isaac finished his last year of preschool at Shining Light
June
We camped in Yosemite and some of our guests climbed Half Dome. It was an awesome experience for all.
Our friend Paola married Jose, a person whom I've come to love and regard. I'm very happy for them. Attending their wedding was a true honor.
On the way back from Paola's wedding we drove by the coast and Dave had a spa day at Sycamore Mineral Springs, an early Fathers Day present.
Our nephew Christian graduated college. We are all very proud of him.
Summer vacation started and Isaac attended Vacation Bible School. He enjoyed it.
July
Our friend Maria and family visited from LA and we had a lovely 4th of July get together
Isaac turned 5 and we celebrated at Central Park in San Ramon. It was a Star Wars themed party filled with games, laughter, and creativity. Daddy rocked it!
We had a multi family camping trip at Calaveras Big Trees. It was a hit!
August
We got away for a week in Carlsbad to relax and bond as a family.
September
Isaac started kindergarten and the transition was smooth. He loves school!
Lucia turned 37 and her dear friends celebrated her with a fantastic evening of fun, good food and great conversations.
October
I participated in the Coyote Creek 20 mile trail run in the Marin Headlands.
Indira and I hiked to the summit of Mt. Diablo in celebration and thanksgiving for her birthday.
November
I ran the Santa Barbara marathon with Sally.
We spent a week in LA visiting with family and friends. We celebrated Thanksgiving with my brother George. It was a special experience.
December
My sister turned 40! I still ant believe when I look at her. She is one of the most amazing human beings I know, and she is gorgeous! Rock the 40s sis.
We celebrated Christmas with Joyce and extended family on Dec. 20th. It was also her birthday so the celebration was double.
We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day quietly at home. Dave took 2 weeks off from work and we had a lovely staycation.
I thank God for all the blessings we received this warm for all the connections we made and for the motivation to make 2015 an even better year. Cheers!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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